i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The air taste purple.
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