Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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