um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
