I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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