She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
