He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
