I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize