im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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