my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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