Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
