Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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