I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
