just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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