I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
