So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
