Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
