people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize