I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
