i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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