I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
