Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
