Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
