hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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