also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize