Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize