**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
