how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
