It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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