dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
