this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
