I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
