Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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