I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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