idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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