i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
