we have pet lesbian snakes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
