I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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