Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
