I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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