roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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