idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
