i permit you to call me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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