none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
