still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
