Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
