I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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