I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
