Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
