If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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