Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
