smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
