How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
