Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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