"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
