you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
