I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
