I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
