He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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