Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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