I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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