Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
