there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize