i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
