Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
