i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
